In the Quiet of Nature, I Found Myself Again
This piece began as a simple journal entry written outside, with no objective other than to capture my thoughts. What started as a stream of observations — of the autumn air, the gentle breeze, the sounds of my neighborhood —> soon transformed into a reflection of my emotions. Away from the screens and noise, this was a moment of feeling truly alive and connected. This isn’t polished or planned; it’s just me, journaling outdoors, letting the peace and honesty of the moment guide my words.
4:00pm–4:44pm
Reflection: I couldn’t stop writing. It was like cascade that flowed through out my brain until it slowed down into a stream of thoughts. It felt liberating. I wrote 2 pages back to back.
I felt like this Writing Pieced Together Right.
I am sitting behind the communal trash and right in front of a Claude Monet painting — there’s a lake, geese flying overhead, and children bickering over a game of catch.
“What makes this particular spot so valuable to you?” my inner monologue askes. I feel like I am one with nature. I feel accepted.
Something I have been craving for a long time. There are no school walls to weigh on my long shoulders. There are no fake friends next to me using me for the moment and leaving me the next. There’s no one. Its just me — my dainty, loving, human soul.
My electricity went out today. I didn’t think of myself as a person who was reliant of technology. Boy was I wrong.
After coming outside, I felt liberated from the parasites who have been pestering me in school…who have trying to lower my thoughts to a lower frequency.
I feel liberated from my computer. Constantly pushing me off the cliff of YouTube addiction. I feel free. Aware- a better way to put it.
Like blinds uncovering my eyes.
Its ‘eye opening’ (get it).The constant short clips tempted me for more. Its a feel-good-now-regret later situation. It felt needy. Greedy. And unmoral.
It makes me feel repulsive at the thought of myself having such a materialistic desire to doom scroll just because I’m desperate to feel something…to get my mind off of something….turning me into someone I’m not: someone inhumane.
I guess you can say I was FE!NING for more if ykyk 😵🤪.
Page 2
There’s a theory that I thought of right now that can explain why I’m feeling this way. It’s called the Gaia Theory.
Gaia theory, also known as the Gaia hypothesis or Gaia principle, is a model of Earth that proposes that the planet and its living and nonliving parts are a single, self-regulating system that supports life.
I can feel her heart beat. I can feel her comfort. And she accepts me. Her arms console me. The breeze catches itself into the holes of my cable net sweater. My hair is gently being pushed back as she blows on my face. There’s no need to turn on my music when I have the soft whisper and rustling of fallen leaves.
Ugh I love Autumn.
Even though I can feel the goosebumps arising, it doesn’t hurt me this time. It comforting. She gives me kisses. It not like air conditioning. Where the cold is cold. It felt like the cool was comforting.
(As someone who wears their winter coat until May, this was really surprising for me.)
The “cool” is not cold, but the slightest bit warm. Its like a hug or a dab from someone you admire. Its soft, memorable, and makes your heart beat a little faster.
A soft spark?
Is the best way I can describe it. A soft serotonin release.
I did not know this while I was journaling.
(“Studies have shown that spending just 15 minutes outside can reduce your cortisol level, the stress hormone in the body and boost the serotonin and dopamine level, the feel-good chemicals in the brain. It is a natural stress buster,” explained Susan Albers, PsyD, psychologist for Cleveland Clinic.)
The sun looks a its a simple gradient — modest, soft, and dainty, but when stared at face to face, its blinding.
Something as simple as writing in the middle of my neighborhood in front of a small man made creek and the sun about to set makes me feel powerful alone. Not the alone I have been convincing myself to be throughout the school. But, a free spirit.
That’s right. I’m a bird. Ooh I’m a Phoenix.
I feel rejuvenated. Its a different kind of happiness.
What started off as a rant turned into something so much more wholesome. And that’s what Gaia does. Even when you dump her with negativity, she gives back kindness.
They hurt you? You Kill em’ with kindness is what Amma would say.
Gaia, she comforts you. She accepts you because you are human. Not a greedy pig who is untouched with reality.
-Aarthi Gunasekaran
